A Birthday Outing

Yesterday was my older daughter Paige’s 8th birthday party. My husband, another mom and I took nine kids to the Chabot Space & Science Center in Oakland. Paige had said she wanted a NASA party. I think the idea had begun a few months ago. This past year in second grade she had to write a whole book—a long story with illustrations which the teacher later had sent away and hard-bound. It was such a cool assignment. Paige wrote a story called My Calling is NASA. It’s about a girl who has a vision from God when she is little that she is going to work for NASA, and then she grows up and does it. Curiously, the girl in the story has a little sister who grows up to be a princess, which has stirring reverberations with real life.

By the way, Paige is not my older daughter’s real name. I’m going to call my younger daughter, age four, Molly, though that’s not her real name either. I’ve decided to protect their privacy a little bit which also gives me greater freedom to unabashedly tell personal stories about them.

So anyway, Paige has become interested in outer space and NASA, and she planned out the whole party. A couple of weeks ago she and I sat down at the computer and whipped up some home-made invitations with clip art, a NASA logo, and a picture of the Mars lander. I heard later that some of the other girls who received the invitation were not too excited about space. But Paige is. If there is something conceptual and analytical and philosophical to think about, Paige will be fascinated.

Paige is a little unusual. She was born right after the summer solstice in the first year of the new millennium, 2000. Year of the dragon. Cancer sign. I think there must have been something about the alignment of the planets at that time because she and several of her girl classmates are uber-women. Strong, confident, active, self-assured. When she was a baby, she didn’t really fuss to be held. She wasn’t interested in nursing after the first few months. She didn’t cry much when she got shots, she didn’t freak out if she fell down. She never sucked her thumb, had a pacifier or a special blanket or stuffed animal. By age two she was speaking three-syllable words and marching next to me through an airport, pulling her rolling suitcase all by herself. By age four she was reading and adding fractions in preschool. Now, at age eight, she can play Beatles songs by ear on the piano and enjoys talking about quantum physics.

She is stronger than I ever was as a girl, and in some ways more self-assured than I am even now. This has created a huge personal challenge for me to assert myself over her as her mother. I have had to understand that there are times and places where I have to be the mom and she has to be the daughter. Sometimes she has to follow my instructions or requests because I know better than she does. We have had some tough times together, but we’ve been in a good space for a long time now. She has forced me to find my voice, literally. Forever soft-spoken, I have now found a deep and powerful range of my voice that will stop time.

I live in daily fear of her teenage years.

But the thing is that Paige and I love each other fantastically. We are more connected now than I think we ever were before. We delight in each other’s strengths. She knows she can tell me almost any thoughts on her mind, and if she’s contemplating infinity or liking a new outfit, I will hear her. I depend on her too, increasingly. She might help me carry in the groceries or answer the phone or jump out of the stopped car to mail a letter, and I appreciate her competence.

I feel this timeless sense of connection with Paige, as if I can feel what our connection is going to feel like when I am an old lady and she is middle-aged. I feel like I know her essence, what she has been and what she will become. I think it’s likely she will become a scientist for NASA. I also have a sense of what I need to help her learn. She will always need to be reminded to develop her emotional side, her compassion, her empathy and connection with other people.

Anyway, we had a great time at the space museum. I loved watching her with her long blond hair, white tank top, turquoise shorts and long legs, playing and laughing with her friends, and contemplating the universe. Happy Birthday, darlin'.