A Growth Mindset

Last night I went to the latest session of “Awakening Joy,” a monthly class I’m taking with the Buddhist meditation teacher James Baraz. He had invited a guest speaker, the author M.J. Ryan, to give a talk to the group. Ryan is the author of several books on creating happiness, a motivational speaker and organizational consultant.

She said lots of interesting things, but one thing in particular interested me because of its connection to parenting. She talked about the research of Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck. Dweck researched groups of children with learning problems to find out what could make some of them successful while others would give up.

What she found is that those who had a “fixed mindset” about their abilities would tend to give up more easily when they encountered setbacks. They had a fixed idea of themselves, like “I am bad at math” or “I am great at soccer.” These children had an underlying belief that talent was innate, that they were born a certain way and that experience was just going to continue to confirm those things they believed about themselves.

On the other hand, those students who had a “growth mindset” about themselves proved to be the ones who were able to excel. When encountered with setbacks, they were more apt to accept them as learning challenges along their developmental path. They understood themselves as individuals who are growing, and in this view, making “mistakes” is simply part of an overall process. These children handled criticism better and were inspired, rather than intimidated, by the successes of others.

Dweck’s recent book is Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.

Ryan drew some corollaries to parenting and made some suggestions about how to praise our children to underscore a growth mindset. If we make a global positive statement about our kids, like, “Sally, you are a fantastic kid!” the problem is that the child knows it’s not completely true. She knows there was that time she stole something or whacked her sister on the head. And now here’s mom saying she’s totally fantastic, so that creates cognitive dissonance. What’s better is to praise our children’s efforts, choices and strategies. We might say instead, “Sally, that was great how you kept on trying to make a basket even when it didn’t go in every time.” In this way we help the child to form an understanding of themselves as a being who is in process.

I was really excited by this idea because it lines up completely with the spiritual perspectives I have studied for many years. It has always seemed that the transformative element for a life of greater meaning is indeed, an understanding of the human journey as an opportunity to grow in love. Dweck doesn't mention the love part. But I do.